This Week’s Winners: It’s Easier to go to Jail Than You Think!

  1. Man arrested in an alleged immigration scam. Here’s a word to the wise—if you wanna become a U.S. citizen, get your family members over (legally) to these shores, even seek asylum, etc. don’t make your hookups, and give monies (upwards of thousands of dollars) with people strolling around in the mall. If you’ve got that kind of money to throw around, I could use some cash to fix my air conditioning (it’s getting hot in here), and I could teach you English skills (my day job) as a return. (I don’t know exactly where to point you, but I’m sure the proper destination would involve an official-looking office.)
  2. What the Hay Were You Thinkin’?  A D.C. Fire and EMA Lieutenant allegedly steals 20 bales of hay from a Upper Marlboro, MD horse farm/stall/farm/hay lot (sorry, I was a city kid. I haven’t a clue about what you’d call homes for hay.). The victim knew the alleged hay-thief, and said, if she (yes, I think it’s a she-thief) had of only asked for a couple of bales, he would have just given them to her. Who knew? (What makes a person hard up for hay? How much does hay cost? I heard about $6 per bale. (I almost spelled it bail.) Perhaps it was needed for a scarecrow that was on fire, and the Lieutenant showed up on the scene only to determine that she needed emergency hay to perform emergency Hay-surgery. If so, I can see why there was no time to just politely ask.) One last bit of trivia about hay: I don’t know why we always see people smiling during hayrides. I took a hayride, once, and that darn hay hurts! I had on jeans and it still pricked my thighs, something awful. I got in trouble for trying to stand up on the ride back!)
  3. Campaign aids/staffers and such going down for the cause. In this instance, it was for the wrongdoing during the last DC Mayoral race. (Don’t look now, but I think playing dirty is the same as riding dirty.) Lord only knows where all this mud-reveal is gonna lead and/or finally land.
  4. Spycam Case of Former Rutgers Student. So for giggles, at the expensive of the pain and anguish of a classmate, this young man (who perhaps is truly sorry—for a variety of reasons, now) films his fellow student engaged in a private intimate moment (a kiss, it was reported). The student/victim commits suicide. I’ll stop here because if you’ve been following this, you know it’s just too much to comment on, but… note to self and to anyone else within eyeball shot of reading this blog: Anything/idea that begins with the description of Prank just throw it in the trash before it has time to fester and/or materialize into something irrevocably and hurtfully tangible.
  5. The Parliament Fistfight in the Ukraine. I don’t know if anyone got arrested, but it was hilarious to watch. (I wonder what or who started it? Can I call it a Parliament? Do they have a Tea Party over there?)
  6. The Case of the Neighborhood Nanny. So the six-year-old boy is playing alone on the playground near his home (I don’t know why he was out there by himself, but I’m just gonna try to let it go). Someone dubbed the Neighborhood Nanny takes it upon herself to take the child to her home without telling the parents or anyone else. A community-wide (and perhaps, beyond) panic and search ensues.  At last check, it was reported that the boy was not harmed. (Perhaps this person thought that she was doing a good deed, but it wasn’t well-thought out. And now (at last report), she’s facing charges.
  7. The Baby-in-the-dryer at the Laundromat Fiasco. This stupidity made national news. As a peekaboo prank (there goes that “P” word, again), a man, first thought to be the 2-year-old boy’s father, places the child in a dryer and shuts the door; while a woman, who was first thought to be the little boy’s mother, folds laundry and looks on. There’s a panic among all who witnessed the act when the dryer starts to tumble (as dryers tend to do) and the man could not get the dryer door to open. It turns out that the woman/the laundry-folding onlooker was the babysitter. The man—well, his identity has yet to be determined. (Any bets on why he hasn’t come forward, yet?) I guess we’ll see if charges will be filed. Having grown up at the hands of babysitters (my mom was a hardworking single parent who loved me), my heart just goes out to all parents who must entrust their children to someone who ultimately proves to be untrustworthy (and stupid). And my heart goes out to trustworthy childcare providers who make their living giving their best and their all, and have to be subjected to this kind of bad publicity. Thank God the baby is okay.

Hay/Hey Peeps—think before you act!!!! Remember: It’s Easier to go to Jail Than You Think!!!


This Week’s Winners: It’s Easier to go to Jail Than You Think!

  1. First there was a naked man shopping in Walmart (remember that, a couple of weeks ago?). This week a naked woman shops in a lumber store. (Do you think she was worried about getting splinters?)  Well, she was arrested—not for shoplifting (because it was apparent that she was not)—but for nudeness/lewdness.
  2. A Philadelphia man gets into an argument about whether or not he paid the cashier in a doughnut shop. When he gets his doughnut and coffee, he throws his hot coffee at the young lady (scalding her arm). Then he storms out, but not before the entire rage is logged into the surveillance camera. After seeing his (stupid) face plastered all over the media, he surrendered to the police. (So what was it fella? Were you running late for the office? Were you stressed from work? Did you have an argument with your wife that morning? Or did the consumption of carbs laced with caffeine mean just that much to you (I know that sometimes it means a great deal to me, too, but…)? Now, I ask you, in retro-common sense; was your stupid behavior worth it? Was it?
  3. J.P. Morgan Chase Blunder/Scandal. Shouldn’t somebody go to jail over all this? (I did hear that somebody was allowed to keep their (his) bonuses/raises and such.)
  4. Hospital worker sells patients’ medical records. (Did your momma teach you anything about integrity?)
  5. Bicycle thief sells his ill-gotten-gain on Craig’s List. Before he went to jail, the owner set up a meeting and stole it back. (While I don’t encourage such hutzpah, Hooray!!!)
  6. A man snatches an iPhone from a woman. She gives chase and renders a bloody-murder scream! Metro passengers look then invoke a collective, “Oh-hell-naw,” and give chase as well. The robber gives it some re-thought—after he’s cornered—and gives the iPhone back. (Too late. Off to jail you go!)
  7. A teen attempts to rob a Police Station (I don’t even wanna know what city this little boob-head lives in. what happened? Did the munches make you do it?)
  8. A man tries to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. (He learned that if you don’t quite make it over the side, you get arrested. [Hopeful that didn’t add to his depression.])
  9. A drunk man, outraged by the room rates at the Ritz Carlton in Washington, DC, pulls a gun on the desk clerk. (But you don’t have to feel sorry for him. The Arlington County, VA jail put him up for the night in one of its 6 x 9 cells for free. He slept off his high and his dumb decision.)

People, people think before you act!!!! Remember: It’s Easier to go to Jail Than You Think!!! 

BTW, I will be in jail tonight—conducting Bible Study!!

Here’s to sending a loving and sincere shut-out to all my incarcerated peeps!!

This Week’s Winners: It’s Easier to go to Jail Than You Think!

1. New Jersey mom, described as a Really Tanned Mom, was arrested for allowing her five-year-old daughter to be tanned (along with mom). Tanning for children, age 13 and under, is illegal in New Jersey. The mother says she merely took her daughter with her, who stayed in a common area (while her mama got fried). , and it’s all a misunderstanding. Right now, all signs point to yes. But did you see the mom? (Respectfully, a ray of help is needed somewhere. But I’ll be gosh darn, if that lady’s not getting her fifteen minutes of sun-fame, anyhooo. Hey God, what-up-wit’that? Huh? Do You really think that’s fair?)

2. And speaking of misunderstandings, Re: the retrial of Rodger Clemens, Andy Pettitte—Clemens’s former friend and teammate, said that perhaps he misunderstood his friend say he took steroids and human growth hormones. (You know, perhaps Clemens said, “Do you think my butt looks too big in this uniform? Oh, I know, I’ll take a couple of laxatives tonight.” I mean, I could see Andy zoning out of the conversation the minute Roger directed him to look at his butt. Lord-only-knows what he heard after that. (Oh well, big boys and their balls — baseballs, basketballs, footballs, tennis balls, hockey balls [I mean, pucks] — you gotta love’em! I do.)

3. Medicare fraud, a reportedly 107 counts of it, in seven cities. That’s phony claims made by otherwise law-abiding citizens; doctors, nurses, owners of healthcare facilities, oh my! (Can you say, “$452 million worth”?)

4. Texting when you’re driving/steering a huge Barge, and a Duck boat filled with tourists. This caused a deadly accident in Philadelphia. (I wonder if the men at the helms of these boats thinks “sorry” is enough.)

5. A Valet guy taking a spin in somebody else’s car. (Oh, I know you’ve seen it done, classically, in the movies, but …life imitating art can land you in the pokey if you’re not careful.)

6. Greedy councilmen! (Okay, I hate to turn this into an about-me moment, but this just happened in Washington, D.C., y’all, and the scene that played out in the courtroom, at the sentencing, is the exact scene that played out in the Preface of the novella, The Prison Plumb Line. Check out Delta Dover’s upbringing and fall. Of course, I do pray for this councilman’s family, especially his mother, who’s heartbroken and going, I don’t understand, but the similarity gave me chills.)

7. Former Presidential candidates/adulterers, and their helpers. (Oh that’s right, the helpers a million dollars for their help, and got immunity for their ratting out/testimony. Snitches get stitches, y’all. That’s a little poem I learned from my former inmate friends.)

8. A new study reports that marijuana use has gone up eighty percent among teens. (No comment. I don’t know if I’m jealous or appalled. I just know that my typing fingers are shaking. [Oops, that’s a comment.])

9. Administering/injecting free-flowing silicone into the behinds of women—not happy with the behind that God, and their mama gave them—in a hotel room, not even a hospital. And reportedly, the silicone wasn’t even good! (I mean, C’mon, just how unhappy could you be to fall for that stupidness [is that a word]?)

10. Road rage, people, road rage—it’s making murderers and fugitives out of some people, victims out of others and landing some folks in jail, at the very least. (Take a Tylenol before you get behind the wheel of the car. Self-talk (yourself down off that ledge), and resign yourself into thinking that if you’re running late, the good stuff ain’t happenin’ until you get there, anyway. [Even if that ain’t true, isn’t it better than landing in jail, the hospital or the morgue? Dummy!])

11. Getting charged for embezzlement of a Fire Department’s funds, after (I-say-after) you died. (Now just where do they plan to hold this trial? Who’s digging up the restitution? I mean it gives fresh meaning to the phrase, “I’m coming over there, and I’m takin’ it outta your ass!” [Lord knows, I’ve said that before!]) (Technically, perhaps, this guy’s going to Heaven Gate’s Jail or to the Jail-of –the-hereafter.)

Have you ever once thought, There, but for the Grace of God, go I? Well, start thinkin’ it. Start thanking God and start thinking before you act because—It’s Easier to go to Jail Than You Think!